she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
