don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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