If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
