4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
