So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
