??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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