Dual....:-)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
