My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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