Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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