things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
