I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
