Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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