Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
