its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
