FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
