It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
