I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
