omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
