I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
