I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
