Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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