this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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