mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
