you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were trust falling into bushes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
