I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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