dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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