Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
