it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
