Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
