Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
