so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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