I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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