I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize