Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
