We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
