Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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