Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
