I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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