it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
