I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
