Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
