some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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