I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
