Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is the high leading the old right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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