Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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