Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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