If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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