the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
