he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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