Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize