If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
