maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
