loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
