I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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