I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
