i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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