Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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