508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
