Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
