shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
