he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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