but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
