i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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