i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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