I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
