tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
