It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
