If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
