Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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