How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
