Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
being pregnant is like rehab
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
